The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
