he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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