I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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