New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
