So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
