i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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