i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
