She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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