I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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