when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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