We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
