According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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