How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
