loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize