dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
