Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
