The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
