This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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