Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
