Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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