you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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