i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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