We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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