insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
