Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
