every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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