It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
