just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
