We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
