just tell him i said nine months
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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