hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
