Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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