3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
do nipples grow back?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
