So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
