We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
