so explain again why im purple
no
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
