I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
