Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
