Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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