I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
