Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
