I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
