Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
