someone threw a dead crab at me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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