Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
