just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
