Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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