Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
