You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
