if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
