I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
