I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
