heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
