I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
All I want is dick and wine.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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