I heard we made out
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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