All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
