i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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