There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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