I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
