She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want to fling myself into the sun
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
