i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
