i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
