I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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