Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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