toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
