Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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