I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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