i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
