Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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