I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
