i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
