I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
